I'm a timebomb...

The anticipation of labor is killing me! My due date is October 3rd, only 3 days away! I haven't felt anything yet, just a few mild (we're talking period pain mild) contractions. So far I'm only 1 centimeter dilated and like 0% effaced. Every night I lay down, and just wait for the contractions to start!

Then, when they come a few apart (like ten) I get worried that I'm starting labor, and I wish I had more time?! Why am I a bipolar pregnant woman? You'd think by now that I'd be tired of this pregnancy thing, who would miss the heartburn, sciatic pain, walnut sized bladder, or carpal tunnel? I just worry about my life changing so much, not that I won't be able to handle it but wow, things are going to change!

I have found over the years that I resist change as much as possible, even when it's for the better. When I first got married, I was in such shock. Things were so different, I had no time to "me" anymore, I wasn't alone, I didn't have space! I was seriously doubting whether or not I had made the right decision. As time passed, I fell into a routine and I became to feel really comfortable with my life with my husband. Now that I'm finally used to it, it's going to change again! I know we can't stay stagnant, but can't we work into this gradually? How about I have the kid for 3 days a week?

Scared mom to be talking here, I'm not serious.

I think.


Are things ever going to get better?

I am due in a little more than a week and hubby is still unemployed. I'm really scared that this is permanent situation. We're even considering moving out of state now for any kind of job, two years and counting of nothing.

It's really hard since I've taken time off my job (as a nanny) to have this baby, and we won't be getting any income until January. We are living in a house my parents own, but they need rent from us as soon as we are able. Both my parents work for the government and their jobs also are up in the air. If my Mom (a 2nd grade teacher) loses her job, we are going to be in trouble. Pretty much my parents future is riding on our backs, and we can't seem to find anything for DH.

Everyone says worrying doesn't help anything and it's so true...but what else can I do?

As a Catholic we are supposed to rely on God's mercy and goodwill. I'm having such a hard time just giving everything over to him. I am supposed to trust that he knows best, but I've been trying to trust for how long? Two years? How much longer do I need to struggle with this until I can fall asleep each night not worrying about how I am going to pay bills. It is really frustrating, it makes me feel like we aren't good enough, we aren't doing enough to deserve His love and rewards.

It's hard to keep everything in perspective sometimes with so much going on around me. Church and God gets pushed on the backburner sometimes, and I worry that is why we haven't found Austine a job yet. Is it my fault for getting caught up in the rat race world? Are we being punished?


The Beggining...

I named this blog "Meat and Potatoes Mom", because I feel that really defines what I'm reaching toward and wanting to be. The expression "Meat and Potatoes" means a staple, steady, filling, wholesome meal or item (or whatever is used to describe it). I want to be a wholesome, god fearing mother. I want to be the "Meat and Potatoes" of my child's life when it comes to what he learns.

I am currently 38 weeks pregnant. I am due quite soon and I know my life is going to change. I would really love to document those changes, along with the trials of a new mom. Not to mention the difficulty of being a Traditional Catholic mom in these modern days filled with impure media and opinions. It feels so dangerous to be raising a child right now. Hopefully this blog will save some of my sanity!