Are you a "one upper"?

So before I became a mother, I rarely ran into this type of person. You know, the person who always has it worse than you. I think it is basic human nature to want to complain, and I totally admit to doing it myself. However, I think there is a line that can easily be crossed.

Now that I'm a mom, I feel like I am running into this type of person ALL THE TIME. There seems to be some sort of need to "have it worse off" than the other person, and I'm really having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Let's look at some of the reasons we complain in the first place:

Venting: Sometimes you just have to let it out! Complaining really doesn't make any situation better, but it sure feels good to tell someone else.
Commiseration: Nobody wants to feel like they are alone in the world.
Advice: Sometimes we can't figure out what to do just by our-self, and we need to ask someone to get different opinions. It makes sense!

I really do think complaining, venting, seeking advice is really therapeutic, or I wouldn't have a blog! I feel that constantly "one upping" other moms though is very detrimental. We need to stick together, not make each other feel insignificant. Constantly having it worse than other people, especially when they are seeking advice or help just makes them feel like their complaints are needless when you "have it so bad."

As mothers, I think we really need to try and be empathetic to others, especially other moms! We all have different situations in life and need to support each other as best we can. Nobody else will really understand where we are coming from, and it is really important to support each other!

Cus' breaking up is hard to do

I've had a sudden crash course in reality. Specifically, Facebook reality, which is actually more real than you might think. A friend de-friended me on Facebook. When, I don't know, why? I barely know! But this friend was someone who I happened to really respect and love, so of course it hurt my feelings. It is hard not to tie your real life to Facebook, I think we are becoming so ingrained!

So yes, I have spent the majority of my day bawling my head off over Facebook. Then it became a lot more than just Facebook. When I asked my friend why, she said that I had written some derisive comment. I looked,  and found it. Yes, it was belittling. Yes, I had had about two glasses of wine before I wrote it. Yes, I didn't really think about it when I wrote it.

Does that make me a prime subject for de-friending? No.

First, a lesson in de-friending. There are some requirements, or at least there should be for some common decency. Firstly, one should not de-friend on Facebook over petty arguments. Making an out of place comment is a good example. Secondly, one should not defriend unless there has been a face to face, exchange of words. Thirdly, one should not defriend someone who they might see in the near future, or has close contact with people you relate to on a regular basis.

Prom Queen from HS you haven't talked to in 3 years? Yes.

Stay at home mom who barely has any friends as it is, speaks to your friends on a regular basis, with a son who absolutely adores you? No.

In short, over a text conversation I was told the comment was the last straw, and I have belittled and used this friend to the point where she no longer wants to be my friend. This makes me sad, because a) I never want my friends to feel belittled or used b) said friend didn't even talk to me about how she felt and c) somebody doesn't like me!!! (queue crying here). It hurts a lot more than I would expect, but it really is very similar to being dumped by your high school boyfriend. You're told you aren't valued, your faults are brought to the surface, and then bam, on your ass. I really wish it didn't have to be this way because I have some really awesome memories with this person (or you could say, not memories at times haha). Ethan really loved her and hasn't seen her in forever, and one of the toys she gave him for his birthday is his favorite!

A lot of people have told me, oh well, good riddance, ect. I guess I can't say that because if I could I obviously wouldn't be crying. Sigh, I suppose this is part of life. Live on and move on.

So yes, breaking up (with your friend) is hard to do. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now. Night Ya'all.

Why being a mom makes you a social pariah...

It's been a while, but it's time I get back on track! I've been wanting to write about this for a while, because it is definitely something I have been dealing with (and with no-one in particular, just in general). I've really noticed that while being a mom is the greatest gig in the world, it really does put a damper on your social life (who KNEW?!). There are several reasons why you may feel that your close friends are moving in the former friends category, and believe me, I totally relate.

•  They don't relate to you anymore- This is especially true for the party on the weekend types. I feel like a lot of friends just don't want to go out with me because they think I'm a wet blanket. Well, in the sense that I want to be home by 11, I worry about my kid constantly, and Ethan is the main subject of every conversation. While I know I should tone this down, it really is part of being a mom, which moms GET!

• They think you never have time-  Ok people, lets get this straight. We have kids but that doesn't necessarily mean that 100% of our time is taken up by changing poopy diapers. This actually makes me really mad. Ask me if I want to go out, if I can plan it, I will! Don't just assume that I can't do it, so you don't invite. It really makes me feel like a piece of shiz. 

• It takes too much effort to plan- A lot of friends are the "fly by the seat of your pants" friends, or so I've noticed. If they can't call you and make last minute plans, they aren't at all. I even have some friends who refuse to make plans ahead of time, forcing me to try and plan last minute- which is not easy with a kid. 

Truth be told, when it comes to me- I am just in a different category than all my former friends. I am married, they are dating around. I have a kid, they have a dog? I can barely stay up until 12, they stay up till 3 or 4 every weekend! I hope that eventually they will catch up to me, get married and have children. But for now, I have to be patient and bear it. At least I have some wonderful mommy friends, even if the depth of the relationship isn't near what I would like it to be. I would love to meet some more friends who are my age and are at the same stage in life as me. Unfortunately it seems that 27 is too young to have a kid anymore! Who knew?! *sigh*

Hilarious things Ethan thinks about while eating

I am totally stealing this from a group of mine on facebook, but it really is too hilarious to not post. Here are some things we have decided babies must think whilst eating:


While eating macaroni:

"I want more macaroni!"
"How DARE you move the macaroni I already have into a pile!?"
"Ooo, macaroni."

 "Get this macaroni away from me NOW!"

"ooooh, I bet I can use macaroni as conditioner"  

"One for me, one for the dog, one for me, one for the dog--" 

‎"If I hide this macaroni under my leg, she won't see it, then when she takes my tray away, I have a snack!" 

‎"Uh oh! Macaroni fell out of my hand onto the floor. Accidentally, of course."


‎::throws macaroni emphatically on the ground:: "UH-OH!"


"You eat this, Mommy. NO! It's mine."
‎


 "Let me chew it for a bit and then spit it out into my hand to look at and put it back in my mouth for consumption."  


"No, mom. I'm pretty sure the floor is hungry. NoDon'tPickThat----uhhhh. Sorry, floor. I got your back, buddy. Here's more."


"Don't wipe my face. Never wipe my face!"


"Bring me my sippy cup, woman!" **gulp gulp gulp ** "I tire of this sippy cup!" **throws forcefully to the floor** "Now, give it back to me!"


So true!    

Everybody should have a kid...

When I say everybody, I mean some people. I really mean that having a kid changes you, and being a parent makes a huge difference in how you see the world. I really believe that if some people could experience life the way a parent sees it, they would improve their life for the better!

For example, my birthday was this last Saturday. I didn't care! I was trying to figure out what had changed so much in the last year, and the answer was quite obvious. Ethan has changed me, completely and for the better. I used to get sad, depressed, and angry on my birthday. I think the main reason for this is because we grow up with this sense of anticipation. When it's my birthday I am going to get this, when it's my birthday I'm going to get to do this...and so on and so on. How selfish it really was! I was being totally self-centered and throwing a fit every year because my birthday wasn't what I wanted it to be. Then I had Ethan, and everything changed.

It's really not about me anymore. It's about this tiny little toddling kid I love from the deepest part of me. It's about if he's happy, if he's healthy. I'm so glad that I have a child who is happy and healthy when many parents don't. So this really leads me to the title of my post, everyone should have a kid. They should have a child so that they can see the world through someone else's eyes, so that they can realize it's not "about me".

I know there are many parents out there who have a child, and still are self centered. I know having a child is not a solution to anything. I have a really hard time understanding how a parent could ignore, beat, or otherwise impair their kid like that. I can't even imagine what I would have to be feeling in order to hit Ethan. So here's just a thought for those children's parents. Look outward, not inward. See life through your child's eyes and enjoy it.

And now...for a lighter subject. Pickle in a puppy costume!

Of course he changed my life! Look at him!

How not to treat your nanny...

So, it's a well known fact that I have spent the majority of my life being a nanny. I really love being a caregiver, it's fun and interactive and my coworkers are kids; what's not to love about that? Things can get a little hairy, however- when the parents get involved. Most of my jobs have been with amazing families, with parents who really care about their kids and their nanny. However, I have not had that pleasure with all the families I have worked with. I wanted to list some things that you shouldn't ever do to your nanny, to help those who employ nannies and the nannies that work for them.

1: Yell at your nanny in front of your kids-  Yes, this has happened and yes it was totally embarrassing.  Yelling at your nanny in front of your kids really works the opposite you think it will. Your kids see that you don't respect your nanny very much, so why should they? Expect your kids to have a harder time listening to your caregiver while you are away after you do this.

What parents should do instead: Ask to speak to your nanny in a private place, away from your children, it's that simple.

2: Expect your nanny to perform tasks outside of her contract- Nannies listen up: if you don't have a contract, get one. I really learned this the hard way. I didn't have a contract and ended up doing WAY more than I was told I would be doing at the beginning of the job. Yes, you may need your dry-cleaning picked up, your floors scrubbed, your bathrooms cleaned. But asking your nanny to do that really just steals time from your kids. Nannies are for children, maids are for chores, and personal assistants are for your errands.

What parents should do instead: Only ask your nanny to do chores that are related to your children, like laundry or cleaning up after their dinner.


3: Not pay your nanny when you choose to take days/weeks off-  This is a big one. Most nannies rely are their income from their position to make a living- Paying their bills, car loans, rent ect with the paycheck you give them. Deciding not to pay your nanny when you go on vacation or take the day off really impacts her financially. Think of it this way- If they had the choice they would probably be working, but they don't have that option.



What parents should do instead: Offer your nanny a weeks worth of vacation time, along with paid vacation when you decide to take time off. Benefits wouldn't hurt either (but are in no way expected in my profession).


4: Expect your nanny to stay late or work extra hours with no pay- Most nannies work salary in order to insure a steady income. However, this doesn't mean you should take advantage of this! Any hours outside of the agreed weekly hours should be paid. Now this doesn't mean being 5 minutes late will cost you! 5 hours is another story...



What parents should do instead: If you are going to be late, phone ahead and let her know. Don't expect her to stay for hours on end while you wrap up at work. Be careful with this one, if you do this too many times you may end up losing her!


5: Interfere with your nanny's discipline when you're home- Nothing would irk me more than disciplining a child (i.e. taking their phone away), and then having the parent come home and reverse that discipline. By doing this, you are showing your child that your nanny isn't worth listening to.



What parents should do instead: The best way to deal with this as a parent is to make sure you and your nanny see eye-to-eye in regards to disciplining and rules. If you feel she is making a bad judgment call, let her know privately. If this continues to happen, you probably should be looking for a new nanny.

I love the sound of the freeway...

Yes, that is probably the strangest blog title in history, but it is totally 100% true. There is really something about being able to hear the freeway on a cold night that I can't quite put into words, but it won't stop me from trying!

It started young of course. One of my earliest memories is laying in bed, watching our Christmas lights blink outside my window, all while hearing the dull roar that is the freeway. We lived one block from it, so it really wasn't something you paid much attention to. It was however, part of the soundtrack of life: the day to day moments. For some reason, the freeway became more pronounced during the winter. I'm sure there's an explanation, but I'm not sure what it is.

So, now that I live 20 miles away and can only hear the freeway when it is cold outside (we live 5-6 blocks away instead of one), hearing it is very comforting. I am warm, snuggled up in my bed, listening the freeway breathe. It definitely has breath- the inhales of the downshifting, and the exhales of braking big rigs. It really does remind me of simpler times: being a child and not having a care in the world, waiting in bed on Christmas eve while listening for reindeer, cold wintery nights: nights warm in my bed, with my parents sleeping only rooms away.

I like to listen to the freeway not only because it reminds me of being a child; but also because it reminds me of where I came from, and where I am going. I have kids of my own! I am the adult now! Ethan is now the one sleeping a few rooms away, without a care in the world- while he silently listens to the sound of the freeway on a cold night.

I'm sure he will find it comforting too, someday.

5 Reasons why losing your sense of smell rocks

I have viral ansomnia at the moment. About a month ago now, a friend and I both got really sick; her more-so than I. After we both recovered completely, we realized we had lost our sense of smell (and in relation, taste). It actually really sucks, especially since it's fall and full of smells I absolutely love- cinnamon, baking, falling leaves. We're both hoping it will come back, and I'm noticing some smells and tastes now so maybe that's a good sign. I'm trying to stay positive so I'm making a list of why not having a sense of smell is awesome.

1. Dirty Diapers, really, need I say more?
2. Dutch Oven, no not the kind you cook with.
3. Sorting through the trash to see if a small child of mine disposed of our remote wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be!
4. When a certain friend of our's brother leaves the bathroom, I can't smell what has been likened to a dead dog that shit itself. Yay.
5. Body Odor is no longer an issue. This is handy when going to Wal-Mart. However, this might not be such good news for my friends as I can no longer smell my own.


Those are the good things. Here is what I really miss:

1. Tasting my grilled cheese sandwich (hello blandness).
2. Being able to smell what I'm cooking, or taste test it.
3. Being able to tell when I'm burning food (did this with chicken this weekend!)
4. Heck being able to taste, period.
5. Ethan's baby smell is gone. I can't tell if that's because I can't smell or he just isn't a baby anymore :(

Off the grid is sounding nice about now...

If you know my husband he will assault you with constant talk of living "off the grid". While normally the thought actually scares me, right now it's sounding really nice. Austine and I owe a lot of money, and despite the fact that he finally has a steady, awesome job, we are still living paycheck to paycheck. There really is no way to remedy this besides buckling down and cutting back, and we have cut back a lot. Currently our cell phones have been disconnected, this is the first time in 6 years of having a cell phone that this has happened. It's embarrassing to say the least, but it just comes to show that we need to do some creative money planning in order to get past this.

As a result, I am now looking for another nanny position, one that will allow Ethan to accompany me. I know that this will be hard to find, but I'm praying that it is out there for me, with the perfect boss and perfect child to watch. Ideally, it would only require me to be there in the morning hours so that I can come home and cook dinner for my family. Ideally, the baby I would be watching would be the same age or around the same age as Ethan, so that they would be able to get along and relate with each other. Ideally, I woudln't even have to leave my home.

So there are my qualifications for a position, it does look like I am being picky. I am going to add these qualifications into my rosary everyday, and hopefully I will see something happen. We really need to extra money right now to pull us out of this hole, so I'm hoping it'll be soon. I"m also considering starting to coupon, but I can't find any "experts" in my area. I would love to learn how to save even more money (beyond having a whole chicken every week haha). Does anyone have any experience couponing? How do I start?

1st World Problems

Well it seems this term is really trending on twitter! I was first introduced to it when complaining on my facebook; yes I am one of those people! I even admit it, if I were my friend on Facebook I'd probably hide myself! Well, apparently being mad that the app you bought to write blogs doesn't work is a first world problem, who knew? I mean, blogging is a bit more important than clean water, or food on the table right?

In all seriousness, my son's first world problem stems from our vaccuum. He absolutely hates it. I keep telling him he'd better be grateful for that vacuum, we could be sweeping a dirt floor instead! He chooses not to listen and screams bloody murder in lieu of being grateful for our socioeconomic status. Nevermind the millions of babies out there who would be glad to have a vacuum. He simply won't listen.

I've considered moving to Ethiopia but I'm pretty sure he'd be scared of lions, dirty water, lack of hygiene, you know - the unimportant stuff.

Babies, can't teach them reasoning.

I really would have written yesterday,

If I hadn't been drowning in my own fluids. I feel horrible. At least Austine is a awesome hubby and had totally taken over for me, even of it means we didn't get the stucco patch done :( At least it's a three day weekend for us as Monday's a holy day! Yay, we will see of I am well enough for church on Sunday AND Monday… I promise to have more interesting posts by Monday.

Avoidance

You must be wondering why there is a picture of an iron on your screen. It's an easy answer really. This instrument of torture, death and demise is haunting me.

You see, I really freaking hate ironing. I know, I know, buy a steamer, take it to the dry cleaner (that's really effing tempting), yes these are all viable options for your everyday run of the mill housewife. I however insist on ironing my husbands 1.75644566 million shirts every week to -get this- save money.

I always tell myself, oh it's not that bad, it's cheaper than buying a steamer or dry-cleaning it. Then I find myself writing a blog to avoid it. The pile of to-be ironed clothes stalks my every move through my house, want some lunch? Oh there's the god-forsaken pile on the table. Want to go to bed? Of course it's on your spot! The only way I can get out of it is to ignore it for a week and let my husband do it.

Let's just say the results aren't exactly appealing. I guess I have some ironing to do.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I'm sick, again!

So, it has been a whole week since I got sick, and I'm still feeling it! Last week I woke up with a absolutely horrible sore throat, drippy nose, and occasional sneezing. Because of the sneezing, I really thought that I was not sick and just allergic to something. I took some zyrtec and managed to go to church, we even went to breakfast after! As the day wore on, I just felt worse and worse. It culminated in a fever and chills at night.

I really haven't had a fever in such a long time, I can't even remember the last time I had one. In the morning, I was so sick with the fever I had to call Austine's mom to help me with Ethan. The runny nose turned into a stuffed (infected) nose, and the sore throat turned into congested (infected) bronchials. I am no stranger to bronchitis, it was the main illness that kept me out of school when I was a child. However, I haven't had bronchitis in over 3 years! I used to get it 3-4 times a year, and somehow, it just stopped.

Anyhow, now I had bronchitis and a sinus infection and needed to see a doctor. Austine's mom called the walk in clinic (free, since we have no insurance until Austine is fulltime) and asked when they take walk-ins. They told us 12:30, and we made it there just in time! It was pretty exhausting actually being out and about, sick, and with a kid. I totally managed though with the help of Kristina (my mother in law). So we finally get to the clinic, I walk up to sign in, and they tell me they already have two walk-ins. I look at them confused (or maybe just befuddled, my brain isn't working well at the moment), and they say they only accept a limited amount of walk-ins a day. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. That really would have been nice to know when we called to see if you accept walk-ins.

Even now, I can't believe I didn't yell at this lady. I really do blame ( or am thankful for) having a fever, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. That's the only thing that saved that poor woman from me that day. Kris and I went home after that, and I pulled some strings and got a good friend of mine to get me some antibiotics from his dad (who is a doctor, by the way), and even an inhaler so I didn't feel like I was drowning 24/7.  They've helped immensely but I am still really darn congested and it's almost a week later. I'm hoping they can finish the job.

Bald Spots

So I knew that after pregnancy, you lost a lot of hair. While pregnant, the hormones cause your hair follicles to hold on to hair that would normally be shed. This results in a glorious head of hair....until those hormones go away. This past month I have been losing clumps and clumps of hair. There is hair coating our floors, our rugs, our couch, and yes, our kid. It doesn't quite help that Ethan loves to use my hair as a convenient handle when in my arms.

So I knew this would happen. I didn't expect there to be two huge bald spots on the front of my head!

Can you see it?

There's another one on the other side too! WTH?! I hope it grows back, I hope it grows back.

I really don't see any high ponytails in my future :(