9.22.2010

Are things ever going to get better?

I am due in a little more than a week and hubby is still unemployed. I'm really scared that this is permanent situation. We're even considering moving out of state now for any kind of job, two years and counting of nothing.

It's really hard since I've taken time off my job (as a nanny) to have this baby, and we won't be getting any income until January. We are living in a house my parents own, but they need rent from us as soon as we are able. Both my parents work for the government and their jobs also are up in the air. If my Mom (a 2nd grade teacher) loses her job, we are going to be in trouble. Pretty much my parents future is riding on our backs, and we can't seem to find anything for DH.

Everyone says worrying doesn't help anything and it's so true...but what else can I do?

As a Catholic we are supposed to rely on God's mercy and goodwill. I'm having such a hard time just giving everything over to him. I am supposed to trust that he knows best, but I've been trying to trust for how long? Two years? How much longer do I need to struggle with this until I can fall asleep each night not worrying about how I am going to pay bills. It is really frustrating, it makes me feel like we aren't good enough, we aren't doing enough to deserve His love and rewards.

It's hard to keep everything in perspective sometimes with so much going on around me. Church and God gets pushed on the backburner sometimes, and I worry that is why we haven't found Austine a job yet. Is it my fault for getting caught up in the rat race world? Are we being punished?

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