So things haven't gone exactly as planned...

I know my last post I announced I was pregnant, that was quite a while ago! My pregnancy went rather well, or so I thought. I ended up delivering Owen William Duggan on the 17th of December, at 8:54pm. That's almost 40 days early. He arrived at 2lbs 12oz, and screaming thank god. Right now he is staying in the NICU until he is big enough to come home.

It all started on the 14th. We rushed around in the morning, I had both a dentist appointment and my bi-monthly OB appointment to go to. The dentist was 15 minutes late, and I sat outside freezing waiting for her. The appointment ran over, and I was busy trying to track down my mother in-law so that I could drop Austine and Ethan off to buy presents at the mall. Well, she wouldn't answer her phone - so we all had to go to my OB appointment. Everything is proceeding as normal besides the fact that I was 15 minutes late. They weighed me and took my blood pressure, nothing unusual. Until the doctor came in asking about headaches and swelling (plus a 5 lb weight gain!). The nurse didn't mention to me that my blood pressure was 160/90! My OB told me I needed to go to the hospital for observation, queue freaking out. I had SO MUCH stuff to do. Now, it really seems like I was stressing over really inconsequential stuff, but then I was so sure my blood pressure was high because of my very stressful morning. So we go to the hospital, Ethan in tow because I was so sure that they will release me after they take a few more pressures. Not the case, my blood pressure is seriously high 160-170/90-100 in most cases. They do a 24 hour urine collection, draw my blood, and put me on Labetalol. Austine goes home with Ethan at 9pm, I get to stay overnight by myself. I also get to see my blood pressure jump to 180/110 and see my nurse freak out and put an IV in to lower it - that was fun.

Just an aside - trying to sleep on the L&D floor is next to impossible. I had to ask for some Benadryl to even get a few hours of shut eye. Anyhow, the doctor comes in at 11am the next morning and lets me know that I can go home - on complete bedrest. Obviously this is not ideal with Christmas coming up, but at this point I am just thrilled to be going home - off monitors and blood pressure cuffs. So Austine takes me home, and I try to relax. My in-laws come over on Sunday and try to get things ready for the baby *if* anything were to happen. Just take my advice - do not wait on this shit! Haha, we are/were so unprepared because after all, we technically still had a month and a few weeks to go! They get a lot done, I'm feeling good about the bedrest until that night. I noticed my heart seems to be beating really hard and my breathing is a little labored and shortened. I call the on call OB and she tells me to come in. OH FUN, here we go again.

Well, the heartbeat and shortness of breath was anxiety, induced by my blood pressure meds. But, my urine proteins were super high so they decide to do another 24 hour collection/observation. My bloodwork came back fine, thank goodness. Austine's mom comes to the hospital and collects Ethan, they stay overnight at our house until we know more. Austine stayed overnight with me this time, which made it so much more tolerable. I was still hooked up to monitors everywhere, the most annoying part being that Owen would NOT stay in one place. It eventually got to the point where we would try and find the baby's heartbeat instead of calling a nurse to do it (even to the point of applying more gel) - the alarm was the most annoying sound on earth!

So the morning rolls around and my proteins are not looking good. Neither is my face (swollen) or legs (much more swollen). I was getting pitting edema (where my skin wouldn't bounce back after being pressed in). It was beginning to be evident that I couldn't stay pregnant much longer. My blood pressure was still high, but not super dangerously so. The doctor came in at 7am and basically said he felt that we needed to deliver that day, and we agreed. I originally wanted to just do a c-section. I really honestly just wanted the whole thing to be over. My OB disagreed and thought I should try for a induction because it would be much easier on me and the baby - so I agreed to that.

They induced with cytotec, I was pretty happy to not be hooked up to pitocin. It did induce contractions, but unfortunately my blood pressure was rising with each contraction. My body couldn't handle the stress. I decided to get an epidural in hopes that my blood pressure would lower along with the pain. The anesthesiologist failed the first time to get it in, but succeeded the second time on a vertebrae lower. It was heaven, but it didn't work to lower my blood pressure. I was consistently reading 180/100. They had no choice but to give me Magnesium Sulfate (which works to lower blood pressure, but ALSO slows down contractions). They gave me the "loading" dose, which was super high concentration and made me puke like 4 times. I started seeing double and felt like I was in a time warp. The doctor came in and broke my water, but there was meuconium in it. He felt that since the baby was stressed, we should do a c-section. I think it was almost 6 or 7pm by then. I totally agreed because the Magnesium was wiping me out - I had no energy, even if I had dilated I don't think I could have pushed at all.

So they prepped me for a C-Section, I remember feeling so nervous. By the time I got in the OR, I was so sick on the magnesium everything turned into a blur. I remember them telling me it was ok to sleep, since I was so obviously fighting staying awake. I was really scared to sleep though because I was worried I would never wake up. I have no idea what my BP was at at this point but I've been told it was still pretty high. So they started the operation and Austine was there holding my hand thank God. After a ton of pushing and tugging (which I later learned causes more pain than the incision itself), I hear Owen. Thank goodness I got the steroid shots as soon as we knew something was wrong. He came out screaming, but was only 2lb 12oz! I didn't even get to hear his other stats, I was so out of it. A normal 34 week old baby should have been somewhere around 4 lbs, so Owen was being growth restricted while in-utero. They showed him to me, I had to crane my neck to see him, but he looked red and very alive so I was relieved. Austine left at this point to follow Owen to the NICU, and they started sewing me back up. After it was all done, they wheeled me out to recovery. The shakes were the worst, I kept trying to go to sleep so they would stop. There were other mom's in recovery too that I could hear, and they all had their babies. It seemed so unfair.

So after I spent an hour in recovery they wheeled me to L&D, so they could keep a close eye on me. Apparently it was L&D or the ICU, so I was glad to be somewhere where I could have visitors at least. They hooked me up to ANOTHER bag of Magnesium. Gosh how I hate the stuff. Austine spent the night but I was so out of it - I felt like I was in a time warp. He left in the morning to go check up on Ethan. While he was gone it felt like everything was going fast and super slow at the same time. My OB came in and said I wasn't to get out of bed, and to only eat clear liquid. Of course, I had a nurse that tried to get me to stand up (haha, I damn near puked on her), and I didn't eat at all because the cafeteria had no clue I was there or something. I think I got to eat dinner...I can't quite remember. FINALLY, at 8pm I was taken off the magnesium and moved to a postpartum room. I felt instantly better, but holy cow did my stomach hurt. I didn't get out of bed for another day!

It was finally Wednesday before I got to see Owen, Austine had to help me to a wheel chair and I managed to stand to wash my hands for the required 3 minutes. He was soooo tiny and small, the pictures Austine had shown me didn't really convey his stature at all! But, he was breathing on his own, eating well (he had an IV in but he was nippling), and doing great. What a relief to have him out in an environment where he could thrive instead of being starved for nutrients. There must have been something wrong with the placenta - problems like that are both related to pre-eclampsia AND intrauterine growth restriction.

I went home Thursday, and we are still waiting on the little dude to come home. He is almost 3 lbs now, and needs to be a little more than 4 to come home. He is also off his IV and feeding wonderfully. It's such a nice thing to be able to hold him (even if I feel like he will break) to feed him. I'm feeling a lot better now, I'm able to get around and even drive to see Owen at the hospital. It is nice in a sense to have some time to recover, but of course I would rather have him home with us than extra time to ourselves. He will hopefully be coming home in a few more weeks! The only thing I'm not looking forward to is paying our deductible twice - ugh! I almost wish I had gotten pregnant a month later to avoid the financial complications. But, compared to losing Owen, or having a seizure or dying - it is worth the money. I'm trying not to worry about it too much.

So that's it, my extra crazy and super long birth story!

Valentine's Day

So, I'm not really into it, which surprises a lot of people. Austine and I don't really exchange gifts. It really makes it easier in the long run- there's no frantic searching (cus really, isn't Christmas bad enough?!), no expectations, and no money spent (my favorite part). This year I did make a decent meal though. I figure if we were going to celebrate something, we would celebrate our relationship and spend some decent time together. I think I may have succumbed to going out, except I never want to pay for a babysitter. This probably explains why Austine and I haven't been out by ourselves in like 10 months. I digress, I made a really wonderful meal.

It was pretty darn simple, but pretty darn good too! We had New York Strip, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, and Salad, along with some wine. I marinated the strips in Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, and wine overnight. Then I added our all time favorite Porterhouse seasoning on it before I broiled it (I overcooked it a little, it was medium well instead of medium rare). The garlic mashed potatoes were super easy too! I just crushed a clove into cooked potatoes, added whole milk and sour cream and mashed. They turned out great! I'm really glad I put some time into a meal for this. Rarely do we sit down at the table and eat...and I think we should make it more of a tradition. Especially once Ethan gets older, I feel it's very important for us to share our meals as a family, like I did when I was growing up.

Cus' breaking up is hard to do

I've had a sudden crash course in reality. Specifically, Facebook reality, which is actually more real than you might think. A friend de-friended me on Facebook. When, I don't know, why? I barely know! But this friend was someone who I happened to really respect and love, so of course it hurt my feelings. It is hard not to tie your real life to Facebook, I think we are becoming so ingrained!

So yes, I have spent the majority of my day bawling my head off over Facebook. Then it became a lot more than just Facebook. When I asked my friend why, she said that I had written some derisive comment. I looked,  and found it. Yes, it was belittling. Yes, I had had about two glasses of wine before I wrote it. Yes, I didn't really think about it when I wrote it.

Does that make me a prime subject for de-friending? No.

First, a lesson in de-friending. There are some requirements, or at least there should be for some common decency. Firstly, one should not de-friend on Facebook over petty arguments. Making an out of place comment is a good example. Secondly, one should not defriend unless there has been a face to face, exchange of words. Thirdly, one should not defriend someone who they might see in the near future, or has close contact with people you relate to on a regular basis.

Prom Queen from HS you haven't talked to in 3 years? Yes.

Stay at home mom who barely has any friends as it is, speaks to your friends on a regular basis, with a son who absolutely adores you? No.

In short, over a text conversation I was told the comment was the last straw, and I have belittled and used this friend to the point where she no longer wants to be my friend. This makes me sad, because a) I never want my friends to feel belittled or used b) said friend didn't even talk to me about how she felt and c) somebody doesn't like me!!! (queue crying here). It hurts a lot more than I would expect, but it really is very similar to being dumped by your high school boyfriend. You're told you aren't valued, your faults are brought to the surface, and then bam, on your ass. I really wish it didn't have to be this way because I have some really awesome memories with this person (or you could say, not memories at times haha). Ethan really loved her and hasn't seen her in forever, and one of the toys she gave him for his birthday is his favorite!

A lot of people have told me, oh well, good riddance, ect. I guess I can't say that because if I could I obviously wouldn't be crying. Sigh, I suppose this is part of life. Live on and move on.

So yes, breaking up (with your friend) is hard to do. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now. Night Ya'all.

I really am trying!

I really am trying to post, but I feel like I've run out of things to post about, I guess. Maybe it's because I just feel so stuck recently. Ethan is 15 months old now, and is such a great little kid. But I really don't get any time at all for me. The last time I was by myself was a doctor appointment (read 30 minutes). I keep thinking longingly about when I was younger, and I could do what the heck I wanted, within constrictions of course.

When we are kids, we believe that things will be awesome when we're grown up. We will eat all the ice cream in the world, stay up until 6am, and play video games all the time. Then you grow up and it hits you, this crap has consequences! Growing up is really just the realization that your actions affect others and yourself (it seems). If I eat all the ice cream I want, I will be fat and unhealthy. Same goes for playing video games all day, who has the time for that anyways! Staying up until 6 is no longer a possibility because you're out by 9. 9PM.

That was a bit of a tangent but it's true. I hope Ethan enjoys his childhood and doesn't take it for granted like I did (who am I kidding, he will, like every child does). Right now, all I want is a great massage, a shopping day, a night on the town, heck a biology class would be welcome! I am starting to feel under stimulated and I need to find some solutions that are easy on the wallet, who has any ideas?! I'm going to do some major brainstorming about this blog. I want it to be my outlet, but everyone will probably agree that if nobody reads its it's nothing more than a horrible diary. I like feedback, and comments, and opinions. I don't want to be top mommy blogger of the year or anything like that. But I would like to stimulate the reader and me in the same throw. Any ideas on that either? Halp!

Wow! and New Years Resolutions.

Ok, I suck. I admit it. I really haven't been writing at all, and I have been feeling tons of guilt about it. Not because I feel like I have a reader base I'm disappointing (obviously, look at my followers haha), but because I feel like I've been cheating myself. I like having my little blog that I can look back on and go, wow! it was really like that! So, since it's the beginning of the year I am reinstating my resolution to write at least once a week. I think I actually did a really good job last year, I definitely wrote more than I did the year before- so I consider it a success.

Looking back on that post, there were a few things I didn't do well with. Mostly weight, but I think everyone struggles with that! It is so easy to be motivated and really driven in the beginning, isn't it? Then it really just begins to be a bore. I'm lazy, I'll admit it. I would rather spend an hour on the couch than 15 minutes running. It needs to be done though, so I am constantly having an internal struggle with myself. I can do nothing but try again this year. I try not to put so much faith in myself when I manage to fail at this all the time! I do not want to be the "fat mom" at the playgroup, but it seems to be happening anyways. I will try, that is my new years resolution.

I wasn't exactly on track with prayers, or remembering to pray. That's another thing I KNOW I need to do, but it is really easy to get caught up in life and forget about it. I've downloaded a few things on the iPhone that have helped me remember at least, so I think I am actually seeing an improvement in that.

I have a few business goals too, since I've started my direct sale business with Scentsy. Mainly, I want to recruit three people this year! It is a small number compared to some of the other people who are big with Scentsy, but I am a small time gal. I have to really think about how Scentsy has blessed Austine and me; the extra money has really been a lifesaver and it is awesome to be able to stay home with Ethan. So, I have to keep thinking I am sharing a blessing with others, and not a burden.

That's it! I will be posting about this again in another year! I'm glad I've made some improvements, and it is nice to see that. It is nice to be in a state where you seek constant improvement...and I feel good that I have made some. Yay!

Hilarious things Ethan thinks about while eating

I am totally stealing this from a group of mine on facebook, but it really is too hilarious to not post. Here are some things we have decided babies must think whilst eating:


While eating macaroni:

"I want more macaroni!"
"How DARE you move the macaroni I already have into a pile!?"
"Ooo, macaroni."

 "Get this macaroni away from me NOW!"

"ooooh, I bet I can use macaroni as conditioner"  

"One for me, one for the dog, one for me, one for the dog--" 

‎"If I hide this macaroni under my leg, she won't see it, then when she takes my tray away, I have a snack!" 

‎"Uh oh! Macaroni fell out of my hand onto the floor. Accidentally, of course."


‎::throws macaroni emphatically on the ground:: "UH-OH!"


"You eat this, Mommy. NO! It's mine."
‎


 "Let me chew it for a bit and then spit it out into my hand to look at and put it back in my mouth for consumption."  


"No, mom. I'm pretty sure the floor is hungry. NoDon'tPickThat----uhhhh. Sorry, floor. I got your back, buddy. Here's more."


"Don't wipe my face. Never wipe my face!"


"Bring me my sippy cup, woman!" **gulp gulp gulp ** "I tire of this sippy cup!" **throws forcefully to the floor** "Now, give it back to me!"


So true!    

Ethan's First Birthday Pictures

So Ethan's birthday came and went, and it was quite the blur! It has been more than 2 weeks now, and I still can't believe I have a one year old!

I love how parks find the most grabable, delectable, substrate known to man. Here is a picture of him about to ingest some!

Mmmmm delicious substrate!

This is the funniest, most serious face I've ever seen him make!

Can't catch me!

This picture is perfect!

Ethan and Grandma D.

Trash+Park=Fun

Ethan and cousin Jackson. They are 3 months apart!

Why does Jackson get all the fun?!

Jackson is almost walking, soon they will be terrorizing the park together.

My mom would have yelled at me for doing this, haha. So I let him.

I want to be just like you when I growed up Patrick!

Smiley Jackson!

Jackson loves the swings, Ethan has yet to make up his mind.

There's a smile!

There's a frown!

Shanee got the cake made by her friend at Le Courdon Bleu. Although I was holding it on the way there, it managed to slip on the round and squish the FRONT. :'(

She made puppy pops, which I managed to break while putting them in the Styrofoam. I'm pretty sure I ruined Ethan's birthday.

Puppy Chow, the most easy, delicious, party mix ever,

Cute little puppy cupcakes! They turned out great.

They were red velvet and delicious!

Miles the Moose.

Great great Aunt Loranne, Great Aunt Diana, Great Grandma Caputo, Great Aunt Deena.

Rachael, Mady, Jillian, Ian, Me, Uncle Andrew, Gramma Ferguson, and Laurie.

Brendon being....Brendon.

When I see this picture I think of a dog, in car, ears flapping back in the wind. Don't ask.

The turnout.

Mikey is a special agent.

 All in all, we had a really great time. Ethan got some wonderful presents, and we are thankful to each and every one of our guests who gave him something! He loves everything he got!

Teething will be the end of me..really!

Today has been a tough one. Ethan really wasn't his normal happy self and spent the entire day whining and crying. I feel really bad, the poor kid is teething so his mouth hurts like the dickens. Then, the teething makes him have some "loose" (that's putting it mildly) poops. Nobody wants to hear about my kids bowel movements so I will spare you the horrible details. Lets just say his poor behind looks like a skinned rabbit :( I have been coating it with abnormal amounts of butt paste, triple paste, whatever I can get my hands on! I know this isn't going to last forever, he will stop teething eventually. For now, I just wish both ends of him weren't in pain (and as a result, making my head be in pain also).


In other news, Ethan said Mama finally! It feels like it took forever, but these last few days he has really been spouting it out. He is so proud of himself, you can tell. When you ask him to say it, you can see him thinking about it; he will purse his lips together and try to remember how to make the "m" sound. I really am blessed to have such a adorable son!

Austine made me my business card finally, and I have to say it looks amazing! I have never had a business card before, being a nanny really doesn't require one. Having one suddenly makes me feel legit and professional, it is amazing what the little things can do to boost your self-esteem. I really cannot wait for my first party on the 19th, I have some really fun stuff planned and I have been working really hard on the information I give to my hostesses. The whole Scentsy thing is starting to feel real, and I am really enjoying it! I think I enjoy it the most because I get to network and talk to people I haven't seen in a really long time. I got to see on of my really good friends from highschool last night on Scentsy business and it was a total blast.

I'm feeling really guilty about not posting pictures of Ethan all that much, so I'm going to be trying a lot harder to include some every week! He is such a cutie, how can I not?! I would really love to work on my photography skills too, I know that my iPhone isn't perfect, and I see some other folks's pictures that put mine to shame (not surprisingly). I promise my next post will be Ethan's First Birthday pictures! I will get to it right now :D

I'm thankful for...

My good friends at GlitzGM have started a trend on twitter: 24 days of gratitude. I have to say, this is an absolutely great idea, especially with Thanksgiving on the way (of course this was their inspiration). But really, I think everyone  complains a bit too much at times. We all get sucked up with the negative parts of life. I know I am certainly guilty. It seems like if ti's not one thing I'm worried about it's another. So this month, I am going along with the 24 days of gratitude and posting on my twitter something I am grateful for!  I encourage all of you to join me, all the way up till' Thanksgiving.

E and I got the chance to visit the local pumpkin patch with the mom's group in the area. It was really a lot of fun and I got some great pictures. Here's my entry for wordless Wednesday.

Teething vs. Terrible Twos?

Which is worse?! I don't have a two year old yet, but right now I'm willing to bet it would be teething. Okay I'm being pretty selfish, I just really want to wallow in some good ol' self pity.

There really is nothing like having a screaming 1 yr old who is only happy on you to make you want to play in the road. I didn't get anything done today, which makes me feel guilty because the house has been a real source of discord recently between A and I. Husbands don't seem to understand the work that goes into kids, therefore they will let you do the dishes 5 times a day even if you're dead on you're feet. I'm not complaining, it's just a fact of life.

As a result I am holed up in the bedroom at 7PM with a fluffy down duvet, lots of pillows, and a book. I need this like a cell needs potassium. Okay that was nerdy. I'm going to sleep now.

Check out my featured blog post at GlitzGM!

I recently had a wonderful opportunity to share my life philosophy in regards to big boobs with the world. Thanks to GlitzGM, the world now knows my cup size, and what I think about it! I thought I would like to share the post with you guys, so here it is:

Interview with Nila Duggan: More Boobie Banter 

Check it out!

 

I'm so excited about Scentsy!

Normally, I'm the cynical side-eyer, I will admit (yes firefox, that isn't a word). I have never really done a sell from home, host a party, get people to buy stuff off of you, kind of deal. I mean sure, what person hasn't had their fair share of overpriced fundraiser (3 dollar bags of M&Ms anyone)? That's about where my selling experience ends, besides retail and who counts that stuff anyways!

Despite my reservations I have decided to start selling Scentsy, and that's saying a lot about the product. I really did my research when I was looking for a sell-at-home program, and it was really rare to find complaints about the compay OR the product. That sold me right there.

So what is Scentsy? Scentsy sells wick-less candles, that operate off of a low-watt light bulb. This means the wax isn't burning hot (safe for daring children), and you don't have to deal with the risk of catching anything on fire. They have over 80 scents and a wide variety of beautiful designs. I've always loved candles. The fragrances always manage to stick with me through the years, suddenly I'll smell that one recognizable fragrance and I'll be having flashbacks, I love it. So I really feel like Scentsy is the right company for me. I just ordered my starter kit and should be getting it within a week, I cannot wait!

I'm really not going to try to post constantly about this on my blog, except for the few giveaways and promotions I plan on doing, so don't worry! I will not be spamming twitter or Facebook (unless you liked my business page). I will however post my selling link on my blog and here, so that you guys can buy if you wish. Believe me, you won't regret it!

Ethan is one!

I really never thought this day would come. I remember looking at all the itty bitty clothes I got for my baby shower, and proclaiming "He'll never fit into these!:". Well, he did and doesn't anymore. My little guy has gone from a cute "human slug" to a moving, walking, talking, obliterating little boy. Today, we are celebrating privately, with some cupcakes and a toy we bought him (pictures to come of course). This weekend will be a larger birthday party, with all his little friends and family. I'm really excited, but I am in shock. How did this happen?!

Gosh he has changed so much. When everyone tells you, "watch out, the first year is a blur!", they aren't kidding! He is really becoming his own person, and I am falling in love with that person more and more everyday. Pictures of his first cupcake to follow!