I don't know what has been wrong with me lately. It might be the fact that I have no car when Austine is gone, so I really don't ever get out of the house when he is at work, and he is at work most of the time. It might also be the fact that Ethan isn't sleeping well anymore, and I'm up 5 times a night again. It could also be the fact that when Austine comes home, I want a break but often have to beg and plead him to get up and get the baby ect. It could also be the fact that I want to work out, but I don't have a sports bra that fits anymore. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't just go to Wal-Mart and buy a new sports bra.

Maybe I'm just making excuses for myself but I feel like I'm being stifled. I don't see any of my friends anymore (to be honest, who wants to venture into SG anyhow), every day is the same. Do some laundry, put the baby to sleep. Do the dishes, clean the bathroom. It's a very stark contrast to how my life used to be.

I'm not complaining. I love Ethan, more than I even thought possible! However, sometimes I just feel less than human. I know I need to fix this somehow but I don't know what to do. We have no money until Austine's checks start coming in, and I have no car. There really aren't many more options than to sit at home and watch re-runs of Teen Mom. I really cannot wait till we are current with everything, my registration is paid again, we fix up the bug, and I can get out!

I think it really comes down to the fact that I need to meet some moms in my area. Like, stay at home, taking care of the kids, same age as Ethan moms. I'm thinking that once I have some form of transportation, I'll sign E up for some gymboree classes. Maybe we'll go to the library for story time, or go to the park for lunch. I just know I need to do something other than cleaning, sleeping, and eating.


Nadine Marlyne said...

I know how you feel! I just got a part time job for that reason. GL!

Keri said...

I feel the same way sometimes. Going to playdates and getting out really works. Also, just not cleaning for the day and laying around doing nothing helps me. I feel so obligated to do everything, and over the past four months, I've learned that I cant. Good luck finding something to help get your sanity back!!! You will find it. Knowing moms of children around the same age in your area really does help!

Kassie said...

I can relate to this, even though I work full-time. To me I feel in a rut. All my friends went *pook* after Makaia came along, and they don't have kids so they can't really relate anyway. You can always vent to me if you like! I wish I knew more moms here in Alaska.

NillaWafers said...

Thanks guys. I'm looking into meetup groups, and have asked to join a few. Hopefully the car situation will be solved soon, I'm totally going stir-crazy.