I don't know what has been wrong with me lately. It might be the fact that I have no car when Austine is gone, so I really don't ever get out of the house when he is at work, and he is at work most of the time. It might also be the fact that Ethan isn't sleeping well anymore, and I'm up 5 times a night again. It could also be the fact that when Austine comes home, I want a break but often have to beg and plead him to get up and get the baby ect. It could also be the fact that I want to work out, but I don't have a sports bra that fits anymore. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't just go to Wal-Mart and buy a new sports bra.
Maybe I'm just making excuses for myself but I feel like I'm being stifled. I don't see any of my friends anymore (to be honest, who wants to venture into SG anyhow), every day is the same. Do some laundry, put the baby to sleep. Do the dishes, clean the bathroom. It's a very stark contrast to how my life used to be.
I'm not complaining. I love Ethan, more than I even thought possible! However, sometimes I just feel less than human. I know I need to fix this somehow but I don't know what to do. We have no money until Austine's checks start coming in, and I have no car. There really aren't many more options than to sit at home and watch re-runs of Teen Mom. I really cannot wait till we are current with everything, my registration is paid again, we fix up the bug, and I can get out!
I think it really comes down to the fact that I need to meet some moms in my area. Like, stay at home, taking care of the kids, same age as Ethan moms. I'm thinking that once I have some form of transportation, I'll sign E up for some gymboree classes. Maybe we'll go to the library for story time, or go to the park for lunch. I just know I need to do something other than cleaning, sleeping, and eating.